Do you want a long and lasting love?
Technology has enabled us to find a fling on dating apps quickly, but breaking up is still easy to do.
So who can you turn for advice on making the right decisions in romantic lives? How about your grandparents who have been happily married for more than 60 years?
To help you find out what makes a relationship work, I’ll share with you the science behind a rewarding and long-lasting love.
Below is what I’ll cover in this article about long-term relationships.
- Why do you need to trust your heart but also listen to your head?
- How to choose the timing of your chats wisely?
- Why do you need to make your marriage come first?
- How do you keep the spark alive over years?
- How to respect each other and build long-lasting relationships?
- Final Thoughts
Why Do You Need to Trust Your Heart But Also Listen to Your Head?
How to know if somebody is the “right one” for you?
While most people would say that you can never be sure, there are a few ways to help you identify the right life partner.
First, you have to follow your heart.
One of the indicators is called the “in-love” feeling, which is an intuitive sensation that tells you things just feel right.
As 65-year-old Bryant Walker put it, when you have such a feeling, it seems not possible to put an end to the relationship.
In another word, you should never marry someone if you don’t have the “in-love” feeling.
But it doesn’t mean that you should act on the feeling right away.
Having the feeling is far from enough to make a commitment, because you also need to listen to your rational mind.
This means getting to know your partner to determine if you share the same goals and core values.
Apart from that, you need to consider the practical things such as whether the person can make a good parent.
While different interests might add flair to a relationship, difference in values can be catastrophic.
How to Choose the Timing of Your Chats Wisely?
Learning strong communication skills and most importantly, choosing the right times to talk, are essential to a successful relationship.
For example, when a couple stops talking to each other, there must be something wrong.
Christy and Sean Wilkens, ages 90 and 92, were married first for 12 years but got divorced and later married other partners.
However, 60 years after their divorce, they decided to remarry.
According to Christy, their first attempt at marriage failed because of a lack of communication.
But just talking isn’t enough. You got to know the best timing to talk. In another word, you talk when your partner is receptive to what you’re saying, not just when you want to babble.
For example, you shouldn’t start a serious conversation on an empty stomach. Food, or a lack thereof, can affect your mood. In fact, food can even help take the heat out of an argument.
Though timing your talks is the key to a long-lasting relationship, we need to bear in mind that we can’t read each other’s minds.
So, you should start by asking questions until you understand what your partner wants or simply rephrase what your partner has said to confirm you’re on the same page.
Why Do You Need to Make Your Marriage Come First?
Marriage can be a challenge which involves stressful tasks such as raising children and keeping house.
To your surprise, older couples would suggest you put your marriage as the top priority, even if you have kids.
Because when your marriage fails, you kids will feel the effects. How can the kids grow up in a happy family if their parents squabble every now and then.
Hence it’s crucial to add some excitement to your marriage, apart from the dull task of child-rearing.
Cecilia Fowler’s first marriage failed since she focused on monotonous routines. But her second marriage flourished, as she and her partner promised not to let boring tasks commandeer their life.
Children aren’t the only strain on a marriage; money issues are another heavy burden.
While married couples are usually more stable financially than the single parents, it’s not uncommon for them to have arguments about money, which last longer than discussions on any other topic.
So, you must plan your finances and avoid spending money you just don’t have. Try to save up for purchases instead of swiping your credit cards, for example, can help you stay out of debt.
How Do You Keep the Spark Alive Over Years?
How can you keep the thrill of romance alive for decades to come?
It doesn’t have to be Champagne and caviar every night. By making small gestures and giving thoughtful gifts, you can keep things exciting.
For example, Darren Freeman seldom goes all out on Christmas gifts for his wife, but he always surprises her randomly with things she is interested in.
In fact, it doesn’t have to be tangible presents. Compliments work as well.
Clara Osborne and her husband Arthur used to compliment each other, telling each other how good the other looked.
Apart from gifts and compliments, having a healthy sex life is another way to keep the spark of love burning.
In fact, a healthy sexual relationship goes beyond simple intercourse. It can be any loving behaviours such as touching and caressing each other.
However, while sex can be the glue to maintain intimacy, it’s also essential to nurture friendship which helps couples enjoy their time together.
Respect Each Other to Build Long-Lasting Relationship
You might already realise the importance of respecting your partner. But what does that mean?
Respect is not only an attitude, it’s also a series of behaviours, such as showing appreciation to your partner’s positive contribution.
For example, you can show respect by saying simple things such as, “Thank you, you did a wonderful job”.
Second, being able to forgive your partner’s blunder in periods of stress is also very helpful. Joe Thornton, for example, almost missed an important flight as his wife left her purse in their car. The couple had to race back to the garage to get it back with not much time to spare.
Though the situation was stressful, Joe might lose his marriage if he threw tantrums on his wife.
Humor is also a great tool to lighten up a heavy mood. You can make good use of it to handle stressful situations with your partner, putting your anger aside and enjoying the time you have with each other.
Final Thoughts: Long and Lasting Love
It’s difficult to build and maintain a long-term relationship.
However, by following the advice of elderly couples in committed relationships, you will learn how to focus your efforts on building a healthy relationship that lasts for a whole life.